Ramblings #23 - A Memory is a Terrible Thing to Waste

A man who lives in memories lives in death.

When I was younger and newer to this world, I used to dread most birthday gifts. All I wanted were books and toys, all I got were pens and chocolate.

I understand why gifting a book or a toy is such a delicate thing now. A book is personal. It’s never going to be something that is sure to be useful to the person. I think memories are similar in a certain way. Most are generic and cater to a larger crowd, like lessons in school. But then comes moments where you get memories that are special. Special for you.

Memories are gifts.

In every way possible. And loving them rather than living in them is what we need to do.

But then, every relationship does leave memories behind, scattered in the sand like footsteps.

Relationships are tricky encounters. And while pop culture is often a ruinous way of looking at them, as the world cannot bear an unrepentant romantic, it does help in certain ways.

The biggest two are labels and links. Let me start with labels. When two people meet, a lot of things happen. They might never see each other again, they might see each other a week or a month later, or they might see each other again that very day. So, you see? You can’t just call someone a friend and be done with it. A proper friendship means that person calls you a friend as well. Labels are important. Especially ones agreed upon by two people.

Now a large chunk of the problem comes in what comes first – a label or a link?

Before that, what is a link? A link is the connection. The feeling that you enjoy the presence of someone. And it’s hard to explain. Something you couldn’t bear to hear or see as being part of another suddenly becomes acceptable, even in cases replicable.

I don’t think this happens a lot. Hence, we often use a label before a link. As an experiment. As a hope. They do say, it’s the hope that kills you. This is dangerous though often necessary.

But it can leave a lot of broken hearts at the end of it. A two-sided label for a one-sided link especially.

The opposite is much more everlasting, but then timing’s a b-word. Too late you learn that you did care a lot, and you never said. And thus, the moment to label was gone. Or you mislabeled and it left the entire relationship in tatters.

Love is a problematic battlefield. And often memories are all you have left after another relationship gone wrong, another war lost. But hear me out.

Even if every relationship doesn't last, every memory you received from them is a gift.

And some of them will always be precious. They will keep you warm on cold days. They will keep you warm on cold hearts. No, I don’t accept that memories are open wounds and you should protect yourself from them. You have earned every single one of them.

Every smile.

Every tear.

So, to all memories, bright and burnt

I have smiled and I have learnt

My present maybe you haven’t survived

But inside me, you were loved tonight.

Thank you.