The view outside my window is quite beautiful. And
heartbreaking at the same time.
It is not a culmination of my life. There is much that
remains, twists and turns I need to envision both in my personal and public
life. But it still feels difficult. To see all this and not feel happy.
I know happiness is no commodity, otherwise I would have
done anything to buy it long ago. And then there’s the trick – do you know what
happiness is?
Do I?
There’s too many thoughts in my head, so many questions. I
take decisions every day that I feel could make or break me. A chain reaction
forms before my eyes and sometimes I am left so very helpless.
And this view? So superficial. It doesn’t help expose the
storms inside my mind to a calm heart. It just exists. One day I will fade away
from its sight. Nothing is eternal.
Just as I turn to throw myself into the comfort of a black
fog of sleep, I hear laughter. I turn around and gaze out into the playground
now bathed in the crimson light of the setting sun.
I spy a happy child playing on the swing. And a wry smile
forms, breaking up my sullen skin. Maybe I don’t have to define what is happiness. I don’t think
I could bear a lifetime of it anyway.
But a moment? Or two?
That is enough.
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