Ramblings #28 - Of Rotating Blades and Slumberless Nights

I turned around on my bed and checked my phone. 

6:30 AM.

Living on the ground floor, surrounded by adjoining flats and curtained windows – sunshine is a luxury in encounter. So, it is still dark – almost as much as it was when I slept around 3.

On to living, I guess.

My body clock has become accustomed to ensuring I wake up before 7:30 AM no matter when I sleep – whether it be 11 PM or 3 AM. And someday, I do wish it would stray – especially on weekend mornings.

In general, it would be a nice habit to have – but then I never understood how a person lives being a night owl and a morning person in one.

I do notice 2 ams have only been a regular occurrence since I got into relationships – earlier 11 PM was late.

Now no time is.

Even when moonlight trysts are a long distant memory. Even when bookish tourneys past midnight have lost their magic.

How habits linger long after their cause is absent. I have the weird one of not being able to sleep without the fan on – even in Bangalore where I understood that Air Conditioners have an identity crisis every day. Even on cold nights, I need it on – with me bundled into a blanket tightly and shivering.

So, when power cuts courtesy our wonderful rainy days (and nights – that’s the real kicker) occur I have trouble sleeping. Actually, that’s an understatement. As I said, absence is quite powerful. A person to stay awake till 2 am for. A rotating blade to go to sleep before.

My perennial tiredness is the result – and it is unsustainable. But what in life is sustainable? We are agents and victims of change. No matter how much you try to hold onto people and things, time will steal them away in the dead of the night (taking advantage of another power cut no doubt) and you wonder what life was in their absence – and will be.

Change is consistent in how it forces itself upon you over time. I used to turn my phone off hours before I slept to read - now I watch reels through a meaningless and insatiable appetite and worry of calls from my loved ones in the dead of the night. 

So here I am at 9 AM typing things getting ready for work and listening to Fireflies. 

And wishing I could get a thousand hugs from ten thousand lightning bugs.